Aging Parents: 101-Year-Old, 4 Years After Broken Hip Surgery, Still Mobile and Living Alone–1

Four years ago this month R left the rehab center after spending 4 months there. Today, at 101, R is completely mobile. She now walks with a cane when she goes out (which she didn’t do before she broke her femur). She uses her cane at home when she “feels unsure.”

What has changed since R’s surgery?

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Making It Better for Parents in Assisted Living

Is "assisted living" a euphemism for warehousing aging parents in an attractive place where we think they'll be well taken care of? The PBS documentary "Life and Death in Assisted Living" is, I certainly hope, not the norm. But what is the norm (and it's not the fault or responsibility of the administrators of the assisted living facility) may be the often inattentiveness on the part of adult children once their parents are in assisted living.
 
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Seniors' Insecurities--What We Should Know to Help Parents Age Well--continued

Are we aware of our parents' insecurities or do they cleverly hide them? 
Why do they do this?
Because of: pride, our youth-oriented culture, denial, valuing independence

What are the insecurities?
Concern about meeting responsibilities, looking old,
acting old, forgetting, having an accident, losing mobility, losing sight, losing control and probably most of all, fear that their children will make them move.

Please visit my other site to view the rest of this post

Help Parents Age Well and in Place: Old Bathrooms. Old Parents. New Shower Fittings for a 97-year-old Woman

Having a small bathroom and small shower made this "update" simple, but "expensive--around $1,000"--according to R. Moving to assisted or independent living would have been quite expensive. Much more money for much less space. Plus, she'd be leaving a home and neighbors that have been--and are--an important part of her life.

As long as R's mind continues to be good, she will call the shots (and enjoy her refurbished shower). To do otherwise would be to undermine all that she has done to remain independent. As we try to help parents age well, we stop and ask ourselves: Is it easier/better for us or easier or better for them?"

To view entire post please go to my other site www://helpparentsagewell.com

Keeping an Eye on Older Parents to Help Them Age Well

New York Times, July 29, 2010 Heading:

"Monitoring Mom and Dad."

Caption beneath heading:"HOME TECH New products for aging in place."

"Big Brother,"--well actually grown children--adult brothers (and sisters) using technology to keep track of their aging parents' every--well almost every--move?? From afar?

According to yesterday's NY Times Home section, the technology to do just that is here. And the rationale for using it seems to be that it provides an option for older parents to age in place instead of in assisted living. Why? Because their children have the ability to monitor important specifics of parents' daily activities when at home. Much less expensive than assisted living. And can make children feel better connected.

"Aging in Place," and making cities more "senior friendly" are important aspects of Tuesday's post. And yesterday's Home section articles are so relevant, I'm writing this post a day early. The NY Times Home section's articles, understanding that most people want to age in their homes, introduces what will undoubtedly become big business: technology to help older people stay in their homes longer, even with issues that would normally signal "assisted living." This could be another breakthrough to not only help aging parents, but to help them age well.

I already have an email saying that Rye, NY's aging in place program is called "Sprye in Rye." I'm wondering how the Spry Rye Seniors view these articles and the various technological devices that keep an eye on seniors.

Link to the first article, then link to the technology article and tell us what you think.

* * *

Note: You can now, I think, make comments on this blog. However, my replies don't work. And while I don't like to abandon an old lover (blogspot) and although it's not quite ready, visit my new site http://helpparentsagewell.com. Same blog, the comments and replies work, more bells and whistles, only photos and finishing touches remain to be done. I'd hoped to wait until everything was finished before asking you to switch over, but perhaps the time has come, especially if you want to read timely replies to your comments.
that said--

Reply to Inger
Thank you for your comment on Tuesday's post. "Adult day care" is clearly another option to help parents age in place, although I've never liked that term, do you? It seems diminishing--as if similar to child day care and doggie day care. Wouldn't it be great if there was a more dignified term? Yet my post today features "monitoring" parents from afar, which can also feel diminishing to anyone with pride. Bottom line: when something's mutually agreed upon (not forced upon) by parents and children it's a win-win. Good luck in your important work. Stay in touch. Susan

Is a Big City Apartment the Place to Age Well?

"Fast-Paced New York, Promising Safety and Comfort to Elderly"--NY Times-July 19, 2010
Where are the best living options for seniors?
and

What and are the best living options for seniors?

Different strokes for different folks, right? In our efforts to help parents age well, who knows-- based on things one can control--what will be best to help aging parents live out their lives.

A city

A small town
A place in a sunny climate

One's home/apartment (aging in place)

Living with children or relatives

A retirement /adult community

An independent living situation

Assisted living

Today I learned that a healthy, single woman in her 80's, left suburban N.Y. to move to a retirement community, in a small town with a highly regarded college. Well-educated, intelligent and with no family ties, she dedicated herself to searching out an affordable, appropriate option with the stimulation a college community offers; and found it 1,000 miles away.

Similarly Dad often told me that when he and mother "got old" he wanted to live in a college community--a small town with the energy and stimulation that youth (and college students) provide. He didn't want to be where everyone was old and getting old. No senior living for him. Mother, typical of that generation, followed Dad's lead.

He and Mother never went to that idealized small town. Yet he "aged in place" with help after Mother's death, when "aging in place" was a relatively new concept. Dad happily and proudly lived and died in the original home he and mother had built some 60 years ago, in a neighborhood bustling with young families. He knew everyone and they knew him.


R. (see sidebar) at 96 remains in her home of 60+ years,. She continues to age in place with a cleaning person for half a day, every other week. Clearly the oldest person on her street, many of the young families think of her as a family member. They are supportive. She treasures the friendships and independence.

Kiplinger's Personal Finance article, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME," informs us that the majority of people 60 and older prefer to grow old in their homes and their communities, according to an AARP survey. And a wide range of services is available to help them stay there. While "pricey," we learn the services are cheap compared to the monthly cost of an assisted-living facility.

Living in cities like New York (or other major cities with vibrant downtowns) provide seniors who enjoy city life almost everything. To my way of thinking, living in a New York apartment building is the best old age home. Reasons:

1. Young and old live in the building
2. It's not isolating
3. The superintendent fixes whatever needs fixing
4. Meals/food can be ordered and brought to the doorman. Someone will get it to you if/when necessary
5. Driving is unnecessary. Public transportation (bus, subway, taxi)--while facing cuts in service due to this economy--makes everything accessible
6. Stores, restaurants, entertainment, culture etc. are nearby
7. Very sick? The doorman can call a taxi, help you in it, and send it and you to the hospital of your choice.

True, every building doesn't have a doorman, but you get the idea.

The article following the NY Times headline at the beginning of this post discusses New York's initial efforts and well-thought-out steps to make it "age friendly" for senior citizens. For example, the traffic signals at over 400 intersections have been extended 4 seconds making it easier for older people to get to the other side before the light changes. Portland, Oregon and Cleveland were other cities cited as becoming more "aging-oriented" (my term). I know of an apartment building in Portland for seniors, close to downtown and transportation that has dining facilities. There are undoubtedly others. If you know of others please e-mail my gmail.

Living options for seniors have expanded far beyond old age homes and may be less expensive than assisted living even when using some added services. Taking the time to check things out will clearly help parents age well.

Also check out this blog on my new site--nearing completion with added "bells and whistles"--and it takes comments!