Help! Aging Parents: Aging Parents: Do We Support or (Inadvertently) Cripple Them?

Monday, August 11, 2014

Aging Parents: Do We Support or (Inadvertently) Cripple Them?

It's easy to do things out of love and wanting to help that are not necessarily in older people's best interest. It's easy to do what we think is right--or is the only way we know how--without realizing it isn't helpful and may, indeed be harmful. What's at risk? What are the options?

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Hi, I'm Susan~

--Wife, teacher, counselor, author, and a far-away-living adult child for decades.

I came from the West to NY for the graduate program in counseling at Teachers College, Columbia U, and have stayed and worked in NY throughout my adult life.

Although far from family, I always knew I would "be there" if my parents needed me. Mother died just short of her 88th birthday; Dad died at 94, and most recently my-i-l, Sr. Advisor R--who lived alone (no caregivers) in her own home--died in June 2015 at 101.

Helping others comes naturally.

As a teenager I was a “Dear Abby” to my friends; later–as a teacher–an untrained counselor to my students. Graduate work and my counseling degree led to a career I’ve loved: counseling high school students and their families. This included–as divorce rates rose in the ’80’s–writing Helping Children of Divorce: a Handbook for Parents and Teachers, published by Schocken Books.

Help! Aging Parents is an extension of my ongoing desire to use my professional training and experience to help others.

About This Blog

Helping parents age well sounds so basic, but it doesn't happen automatically. While we train for the important parts of our lives (childbirth, driving, SATs, jobs), helping parents age well throughout the life cycle is usually on-the-job training--after a health event necessitates fast-forward learning.

Help! Aging Parents is committed to sharing the best information, professional advice, personal experiences and creative ideas to help parents and grandparents age as independently and well as possible until the very end.

* * *

As my parents aged I became aware of a sharp contrast: the ever-present enormous physical and emotional energy of my teenage counselees struggling to develop confidence, assert independence, increase relationships and have fun, while my parents' generation was trying desperately to hold onto these aspects of living.

This led to a disturbing realization: we conscientiously encourage and support younger people who have a full life ahead but--often unwittingly-- diminish and devalue older people. The implications: Younger people feel good about their ability to move forward, while older people can feel "what's the use, I'm old" leading to problems for them and for their children.

This is where we can--and do-- make a difference.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Aging Parents: Do We Support or (Inadvertently) Cripple Them?

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