Help Parents Age Well--With Hugs and Love--Until the End

 Importance of Hugs and "Love You's" for Older, Hospitalized Adults
                                    (Seems obvious, doesn't it)

"Hugs" and "Love You"--two expressions generously shared these days.They make us feel valued, nurture our souls, support emotional and physical well being.  They're exchanged countless times by friends and family in our younger years, lessening in old age, and problematical for hospitalized elders and those who love them, especially at life's end.


Hospitalization makes hugs and personal sharing tricky. Aides come in to draw a drop of blood and take temperatures numerous times daily. Physical barriers exist between us and the person in bed. IV poles, monitors, drips, lines, tray tables, night stands--and those bed rails--defy making easy physical contact....unless one has super-long arms or is a contortionist. Hospital regulations, loss of privacy and constant interruptions interfere with that special, loving connection we ideally want with our love ones. And touching is a powerful part.

 The Question:

How do we convey our love and caring to one restricted to a hospital bed?

I'd forgotten how hard it was to give my mother a hug when her small body lay in that wide bed with bed rails up to keep her safe. I forgot how ludicrous I thought it was when elderly people are so weak they need help to turn over, yet have bed's rails blocking  access.
 
Here's the recipe to combat that isolation and bring some normalcy and love into the equation:

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Aging Parents: When We Invest Ourselves in Caregiving

When we work hard at something, expend great effort--perhaps even go beyond what we thought were our limits--we've invested ourselves. Indeed, when we've put a lot of ourselves into something it permeates us. Be it caregiving or whatever, it becomes a significant part of life; the major part of life; and for some individuals--their life. Over time it's easy to lose perspective and upset the needed balance to be emotionally and physically healthy.

                               "You've got to take care of yourself."

How many times do caregivers hear that? We needn't be geniuses to know that food and sleep are necessary for physical health and stamina; but there may be precious little of both due to circumstances beyond our control. It's also easy to get so caught up in the demands and decisions that we forget priorities. We may think about our needs, but other demands supersede.

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When We No Longer Have Aging Parents--or a Spouse

"I've stepped to the front of the line." Although R had been
widowed for years prior to her elderly mother's death, she often
said that after her mother died. It wasn't until later that it made
an impact and I understood the meaning. I sensed her feeling:
no longer was someone ahead of her to protect her.
Psychologically, did she still feel her 90+ year-old mother had
been  a protector? a buffer? a first line of defense? I wondered.

Indeed, she had us: her son and me, her daughter-in-law. We could and would share her responsibility and be there for her. That said, she cherished independence and was an intelligent, fully functioning, involved woman. Although grateful, she must have considered us back-up.

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