Reflections on Thanksgiving and the Circle of Life

This is one of the few times in decades that Thanksgiving dinner has not been at our home. Now that Sr. Advisor R has died, the celebration has passed to the younger generation (in their 40's). 

"Every twist of the  kaleidoscope moves us all in turn."--Elton John

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Aging Parents: Control and Respect--Do We Inadvertently Mess Up at Thanksgiving (and other times)?

                                        You may have received the Thanksgiving forward below--or not...

In any case, I share it. Supposedly it's from a grandmother. Disregarding its length and the possibility that a non-grandmother created it, it conveys an important message--irreverently highlighting elders' values--exaggerating basic, irksome things younger people, whether adult children or beloved grandchildren, do. Even if we don't get caught up in the specifics or the humor, the need for elders to have control and respect comes through loud and clear.

I've become even more keenly aware recently. For Senior Advisor R, now 101, life has become hard work. There may be no other 101-year-old in this country who still lives alone in her own home of 65+ years, getting regular help only 4 hours a week from a cleaning person. Admittedly neighbors on both sides and across the street discretely watch out for her 24/7. I've written about this previously. They treasure her.

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SENSE OF PURPOSE: A GIFT FOR AGING PARENTS AT THANKSGIVING, CHANUKAH, AND BEHOND

I think everyone would agree: having a sense of purpose is essential to feeling good about life. The big question: How do we instill a sense of purpose in aging parents who no longer have it?

Do remember, those who never had it will no doubt never get it--
People Change, Not Much.


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Traditional, Remarried and Blended Families: Navigating the Holidays to Help Parents and Elders Age Well

Pack the car and the kids--To Grandmother's House We Go--perhaps. But what if there are 3 or 4 or more living grandmothers with husbands? What about siblings and siblings-in-law?

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Help Aging Parents--Who Don't Eat Properly: A Centenarian's Advice

Thanksgiving Leftovers Go Home

With Thanksgiving/Chanukah just a over a week away, I'm thinking about our dinner, older family members, their eating habits, and what special contributions I can make.

At age 97 and 98 Sr. Advisor, R, previously shared thoughts and advice on my posts about nutritious food older people like, can prepare easily and quickly, and where and how she buys it. (Links below)

Now--at age 100--she shares her philosophy as it relates to life and food, and reiterates her quick, easy, no-mess, healthy food preparation that has helped her age well.

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A Nontraditional Thanksgiving Day for Aging Parents This Year?

HOW DO WE CELEBRATE WHEN CHANUKAH AND THANKSGIVING SHARE 
                                                         THE DATE?           
        ARE BLACK FRIDAY SALES BEING ONE-UPPED BY THANKSGIVING
                                                            SALES?
                           ARE AGING PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS FLEXIBLE?

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Mobility-Challenged Aging Parents: From Rehab Center to Home for Thanksgiving at 97

Our Thanksgiving celebration, like that of many, brings together family members and one or two very close friends and their families. We span generations. This year the youngest is 5 months old and  R is 99.

R has never missed our Thanksgiving gatherings be they in the East or in the West. But year before last--on September 30th--she broke her hip. Attending Thanksgiving dinner that year was questionable. Doctor's orders were no weight bearing on leg with femur fracture for 90 days....and she was in a rehab center.

There were times leading up to Thanksgiving when R didn't think she could make it; but in her heart of hearts she wanted to come. The rehab center people said if she wanted to come, we all would be trained, keeping in mind she could only put weight on her good leg. Here's how:.......

Since there are several days until Thanksgiving, R's experience may be useful right now. The percentage of older people who can expect to fall and sustain a broken hip is always high, so remembering R's experience could be important in the future.

To view entire post, please visit my other site: http://wp.me/pGfkw-2AW   or http://helpparentsagewell.com/2012/11/18/mobility-challenged-aging-parents-from-rehab-center-to-home-for-thanksgiving-at-97/

Aging Parents and Thanksgiving

As we all know and have seen documented so many times, “connections with others” is one of the most important factors in aging well. Thanksgiving connects the generations by just being together as well as through conversation. It also provides opportunities to contribute–in large or small ways–which especially makes older people feel worthwhile, needed. And isn’t that a priceless gift.

Dad could never make the pumpkin chiffon pie that Mother continued to make in her mid-80′s. But Dad could string that cranberry necklace up until his last Thanksgiving at age 94. With warm wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving.

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Aging Parents Holiday Gifts Part 1

Holiday Gifts: Thanksgiving and Beyond

My thoughts continue to focus on aging parents who have had to relinquish control. R. is still in rehab; but we can bring her to be with us for part of the day on Thanksgiving. This year especially, it is something that R. has been looking forward to. She calls it a gift--to be in a normal atmosphere, temporary as it will be. Makes me think, once again, do we realize what we take for granted?

I am reminded by a recent e-mail from reader in his 60's: Dear Susan, It took me about four months when I broke my hip to put weight on it.  The part I hated the most was staying in  rehab.  It felt like jail time to me....But you have to learn to dress yourself and do all the other stuff which we just take for granted.  Tell R to hang in there.

I read this to R. and was amazed at how affirming it was for her.  She said, "yes, I feel like a prisoner."  Affirming one's situation or feelings is an intangible gift at any age, but is especially meaningful for old or elderly people.

Intangible gift ideas for Thanksgiving day:

1.  Conveying the feeling of being wanted (and getting them out of "jail," if doable). I realize what's doable for one, may not be doable for another.  I think of a woman in her mid-80's, still-sharp mind, mounting issues due to cancer, in a hospice facility.  She wanted more than anything to spend Thanksgiving with her grown children.  With help, she was could have made the short ride to their home; but her devoted children feared she would resist returning to the facility and knew they couldn't care for her at home (as they had previously done). They visited her on Thanksgiving...had the meal at home without her.

Granted, these are tough calls.  Could the facility have given the woman, for example, a 4-hour pass which she knew about so she understood she'd need to return? Creative thinking ahead of time, can sometimes lead to good solutions for all.  So we need to ask ourselves: "Is it easier/better or us, or easier/better for our parents?"

2. Affirming that they can legitimately contribute...May take creative thinking based on abilities:

• The oldest man at our Thanksgiving gatherings strings the fresh cranberry necklace to adorn the turkey.  (Necklace idea from an oldGourmet magazine.)
• Ask a senior to say grace--or to give thanks for the men and women, at home and in far-away places, who put their lives on the line to protect--and have protected--us and our country.
• Assuming they no longer cook or bake, ask women for help with flowers for the centerpiece, or putting a flower in the bathroom, or setting the table, or just looking over the table to be certain it looks attractive...you get the idea.

Being asked to contribute and conveying feelings of being wanted--intangible gifts--  promote feelings of self-worth at any age, feelings that are often in short supply in old/older people as we try to help them age well.


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