Reflections on Thanksgiving and the Circle of Life

This is one of the few times in decades that Thanksgiving dinner has not been at our home. Now that Sr. Advisor R has died, the celebration has passed to the younger generation (in their 40's). 

"Every twist of the  kaleidoscope moves us all in turn."--Elton John

 To view entire post please visit my other site

Aging Parents: Cleaning Out Their Home After Death--The Plus-side

Past posts about cleaning out my parents' home--basically alone--after they died had one purpose: to offer the best, objective, helpful information, dismissing the emotional for the most part. They didn't emphasize the emotional benefits because I know well that one person's experience does not qualify as valid for many.

Recent events, however, make me think the emotional benefit for me, could be many people's experience, although they're unaware. Left alone in one's growing-up home with things and memories --and a lot of work seems overwhelming! That said, looking back, it was one of the most precious gifts one can have if we're fortunate enough to be cast into this position.

To view entire post, please visit my other site

Aging Parents/Childhood: My Parents' Home--The Long Farewell

  

NO GIRLS ALLOWED sign in front of boy's clubhouse--
decades before Woman's Lib.

                           The young girl is now a well-recognized low vision specialist.


How many of us have had the bittersweet experience of being back on the street where we lived, in the bedroom of our growing up, years after our parents have died?  Our street was a micro world--kids about the same age who, when very young, built summer huts of tall weeds on a vacant lot near the end of the street. Before adolescence our early "architecture" morphed into the boys'-built clubhouse in a neighbor's back yard. It had the requisite "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" sign.

Please go to my other site to view entire post.

SENSE OF PURPOSE: A GIFT FOR AGING PARENTS AT THANKSGIVING, CHANUKAH, AND BEHOND

I think everyone would agree: having a sense of purpose is essential to feeling good about life. The big question: How do we instill a sense of purpose in aging parents who no longer have it?

Do remember, those who never had it will no doubt never get it--
People Change, Not Much.


To view entire post, please visit my other site

Traditional, Remarried and Blended Families: Navigating the Holidays to Help Parents and Elders Age Well

Pack the car and the kids--To Grandmother's House We Go--perhaps. But what if there are 3 or 4 or more living grandmothers with husbands? What about siblings and siblings-in-law?

To view the rest of this post, please visit my other site.

HOSPITALIZATION TIPS THAT LEAD TO BETTER OUTCOMES: FOR AGING PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, OUR CHILDREN, AND US

We learn from people's--and our--mistakes.  It's especially important to be up on the learning curve, and avoid mistakes, if we're in a hospital. A sobering chain of events calls attention to:

1. a slogan
2. advice, gained from Dr.Susan Love's (surgeon and prominent breast cancer prevention advocate) hospital experience, about the importance of family.
3. information from Jon La Pook, MD (NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia U. Medical Center and Chief Medical Correspondent for CBS News) about how to get optimal hospital care.

To view entire post please visit my other site

Celebrating Elders Birthdays: What They Want, Not What We Want

If we’re fortunate enough to have very old parents and grandparents who are still relatively healthy, chances are we become very involved planning their birthday celebrations.

Sr. Advisor R will be 100 in  September. We are planning her party, again in her home town. There have been various kinds of parties for her over the years–taking into consideration health issues and energy. Indeed many variables that we might not think about become important for elders’ celebrations.

Considerations

1.  Comfort level
—-Do they like large (20+) or smaller gatherings?
—-Do they have the energy for the large or the smaller or neither?
—-Do they mind or like surprise parties?
2.  Practical considerations
—-Do they wear dentures?
—-Can they travel?
—-How large is the party budget?
—-Are invites telephoned, emailed, or snail-mailed?
—-Gifts or not?
—-What about family members who don’t get along?

Other Factors    Please go to my other site to view the rest of this post

Memorial Day 2013: A Reminder of Aging Parents and Their Sacrifices-- Past and Present-- And My Uncle Max

On Memorial Day I think about my Uncle Max. He was a WWII Veteran. He was with the Signal Corps in the Battle of the Bulge and what I know about his service during the war was a result of fuzzy memories when I was young and family conversations when I was older.

Uncle Max was a mild-mannered, sweet man, would give the "shirt off his back" to anyone. It was hard for me to envision him fighting. I don't think one fights in the Signal Corps unless necessary, but I do think one has to be very brave. If he was very brave it wasn't apparent when he finally came back home.

I say "finally came back home" because Uncle Max came home a first time. I was very young and asleep, but I remember someone woke me up and carried me downstairs to see him when he came into the house that night. I remember there was a flurry of activity and a lot of conversation earlier that day, preceding his coming home; but I was too young to know why. I only knew something big was happening.

Please go to my other site to view entire post

Wise Words: 9 Pearls of Wisdom From our 99-year-old Sr. Advisor

                                    R’s 9 Original Sayings:
                               Words of Wisdom About Life

Original sayings must be in Sr. Advisor R’s DNA. One of her mother’s sayings, “Do the best you can, angels can do no more,” has appeared in previous posts. Wisdom…based on many year’s of living. R’s mother died in her early 90′s. R will be 100 in September. 

Please go to my other site to view entire post.

Aging Grandparents and A Grand Grandson

A SILLY QUESTION: 

ARE GRANDCHILDREN GOOD MEDICINE?

He sat next to me on the plane today. Was late boarding. Turns out he was standby, had missed 2 earlier flights--needed to get back to the east coast after coming briefly and unexpectedly to see his very ill grandmother in Nevada.

Last Wednesday afternoon an unexpected phone call with information that his grandmother had a cancer diagnosis, and the probability of a short time to live, catapulted him to action. He talked about how much he loved his grandmother; about his getting on the plane to Nevada the next morning--standby; he just had to come, he said.

To view entire post please go to my other site at Wordpress: http://wp.me/pGfkw-2Nx

Aging Parents and Arguments: Who Wins?

                                    Aging Parents Set in Their Ways

“Older people get set in their ways,” Dad told me that when I was a preteen. I don’t think I understood anything but the obvious.  I’m much older now; fortunately well-educated. Wiser. Due to many factors, I get it–with all its nuances….I think.

There’s something about attaining a certain age that makes some oldish people who still “have a good head on their shoulders” (perhaps more than “some“) exhibit problematic behavior. They become set in their ways–feeling some or all of the following: they’re entitled, they’ve earned the right to….
1….do nothing they don’t want to do
2….forget trying to be nice
3….have the courage of their conviction (right or wrong)
4….say whatever comes to mind without regard to its impact
5….expect more of us than is reasonable
6….change their mind on a whim

(Feel free to add to the list...and read the remainder of this post on my other site: http://helpparentsagewell.com/2012/08/26/aging-parents-and-arguments-who-wins

Generations Share Photos and Family History

Regardless of current relationships, families’ histories are rooted in their common past. It’s a powerful commonality emotionally, in a good way. Or at least it was for us, as six cousins–ages 50′s to late 80′s–gathered for lunch and photo-sharing.

A far-away living child, I hadn’t seen some cousins and 2nd cousins in years. Our parents/grandparents are gone now. They were the American story. Five surviving children of immigrant parents are pictured above (the eldest, born in England, is missing). When we came across this labeled photo, the feelings generated were indescribable. The girl born in S. Africa; the boy to her right born in Canada as the family made its way to the United States. Dad (left) and his younger brother (front) born in the USA.

We sifted through the photos and albums we brought, looking back a century–amazed to see our current selves in some of the faces. Some of us had only seen our grandmother with gray hair. We looked hard at her photo, into a youthful face that I, for one, would not have recognized had our older cousins not confirmed who it was.

Visit my other site to view rest of post: http://helpparentsagewell.com/2012/08/21/generations-share-photos-and-family-history

Aging Parents: Photos Are More Than Links to Family

 Photos connect us– to each other, to our families, to our heritage, to our gene-pool. They remind us of our younger selves. They rekindle the ties and feelings we have for those who’ve gone before us….grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, those we held dear and those we hold dear. Indeed, we may have inherited some of their features, some of their traits. On the other hand, some in the photo album are unnamed. We wonder who they are.

These feelings enveloped me the other day as I began cleaning out my parents’ home of 60+ years. They were accompanied by feelings of frustration as I struggled to recognize people in photos that lacked both name and date. Then it dawned on me.......

.....to view entire post please go to my other site: http://helpparentsagewell.com/2012/08/18/aging-parents http://helpparentsagewell.com/2012/08/18/aging-parent-family-photos-link-generations