SENSE OF PURPOSE: A GIFT FOR AGING PARENTS AT THANKSGIVING, CHANUKAH, AND BEHOND

I think everyone would agree: having a sense of purpose is essential to feeling good about life. The big question: How do we instill a sense of purpose in aging parents who no longer have it?

Do remember, those who never had it will no doubt never get it--
People Change, Not Much.


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HALLOWEEN TREATS FOR AGING PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS, COUCH POTATOES and THOSE IN CARE FACILITIES

 Holidays provide opportunities we can take advantage of-- to jump-start aging parents and add some joy to their lives.

 .....I remember my parents coming back to visit in late October one year. They were in their ’70′s. Halloween night stands out, with the excitement that each ring of the doorbell created for these active seniors. With that in mind, I share ideas for involving aging parents in the Halloween fun.

 Invite aging parents to your home to marvel at the trick-or-treaters’ costumes.

Dad loved answering the door bell’s ring–then seeing the little kids in costume. Their high pitched’ “trick or treat” elicited his compliments about their scary look, great costume etc. They beamed at the compliments as they took their candy. Dad beamed back.  Mother, in the background, seemed happy to replenish the candy supply. She too had a big smile on her face as she watched these excited little kids having such a good time.

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Aging Parents Holiday Gifts Part 1

Holiday Gifts: Thanksgiving and Beyond

My thoughts continue to focus on aging parents who have had to relinquish control. R. is still in rehab; but we can bring her to be with us for part of the day on Thanksgiving. This year especially, it is something that R. has been looking forward to. She calls it a gift--to be in a normal atmosphere, temporary as it will be. Makes me think, once again, do we realize what we take for granted?

I am reminded by a recent e-mail from reader in his 60's: Dear Susan, It took me about four months when I broke my hip to put weight on it.  The part I hated the most was staying in  rehab.  It felt like jail time to me....But you have to learn to dress yourself and do all the other stuff which we just take for granted.  Tell R to hang in there.

I read this to R. and was amazed at how affirming it was for her.  She said, "yes, I feel like a prisoner."  Affirming one's situation or feelings is an intangible gift at any age, but is especially meaningful for old or elderly people.

Intangible gift ideas for Thanksgiving day:

1.  Conveying the feeling of being wanted (and getting them out of "jail," if doable). I realize what's doable for one, may not be doable for another.  I think of a woman in her mid-80's, still-sharp mind, mounting issues due to cancer, in a hospice facility.  She wanted more than anything to spend Thanksgiving with her grown children.  With help, she was could have made the short ride to their home; but her devoted children feared she would resist returning to the facility and knew they couldn't care for her at home (as they had previously done). They visited her on Thanksgiving...had the meal at home without her.

Granted, these are tough calls.  Could the facility have given the woman, for example, a 4-hour pass which she knew about so she understood she'd need to return? Creative thinking ahead of time, can sometimes lead to good solutions for all.  So we need to ask ourselves: "Is it easier/better or us, or easier/better for our parents?"

2. Affirming that they can legitimately contribute...May take creative thinking based on abilities:

• The oldest man at our Thanksgiving gatherings strings the fresh cranberry necklace to adorn the turkey.  (Necklace idea from an oldGourmet magazine.)
• Ask a senior to say grace--or to give thanks for the men and women, at home and in far-away places, who put their lives on the line to protect--and have protected--us and our country.
• Assuming they no longer cook or bake, ask women for help with flowers for the centerpiece, or putting a flower in the bathroom, or setting the table, or just looking over the table to be certain it looks attractive...you get the idea.

Being asked to contribute and conveying feelings of being wanted--intangible gifts--  promote feelings of self-worth at any age, feelings that are often in short supply in old/older people as we try to help them age well.


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