Aging Women: Incontinence----and Diapers?!*

     Just published: The American College of Physicians' New
 Guidelines re: women's urinary incontinence, triggers thoughts:

1.  An experience with Mother.
2.  One of this blog's key thoughts: Is it better for parents or better for us (in this instance the caregiver)?
3.  A prejudice about the word "diapers" used in conjunction with old/older people's incontinence.

.......The American College of Physicians' new guidelines for dealing with female urinary incontinence recommend special exercises--as opposed to medications--first. Maintaining feelings of normalcy helps parents--and everyone--age well.  

FYI: "Urinary incontinence (UI), the involuntary loss of urine, has a prevalence of approximately 25% in young women (aged 14 to 21 years) (1), 44% to 57% in middle-aged and postmenopausal women (aged 40 to 60 years) (2), and 75% in elderly women (aged ≥75 years)" American College of Physicians

To view entire post please visit my other site

Aging Parents--Research: Wisdom's Importance in Successful Aging

For satisfaction in later life--to age well, research has told us that maintaining physical and mental health, volunteering and having connections with others are necessary.

One researcher, Dr. Monika Ardelt, an associate sociology professor at the University of Florida in Gainesville, wondered could people in poor health, those who'd suffered losses, and those "whose social roles were diminished"--age successfully or would they just have to "give up." Her recent findings:"Wisdom is the ace in the hole that can help even severely impaired people find meaning, contentment and acceptance in later life."

To view entire post please go to my other site

Aging--Macular Degeneration: A Determined 100-year-old's Efforts to Maintain Quality of Life

Sr. Advisor R has been called "amazing" for years by so many 40-60-year-olds, who call her "terrific" and "timeless." Past posts have underscored their respect for her wisdom and admiration for her ways of handling things. She's both an advisor to this bog, and my m-i-l. And currently she is facing another challenge: a big round spot blocking vision in one eye--macular degeneration.

To view entire post, please go to my other site.

Aging Parents and Us: Must Age, Health Decline, and Dependency go Hand in Hand?

 Growing Older Doesn't Necessarily Mean Growing Old

We may question this assumption if we're in the midst of caring for aging parents with health issues. On the other hand, the results of research, published last month in the Journals of Gerontology, may be heartening for us if our parents are still relatively healthy and independent--and also heartening as we think about our years ahead.

To view the rest of this post please go to my other site.

HOLIDAY GIFTS GUARANTEED TO PLEASE AGING PARENTS: THINKING AHEAD

                           Gifts We Can Be Certain Elders Want

MEMORY TEST: Have your aging parents or grandparents--or great-uncles or aunts-- ever mentioned, off-handedly or in conjunction with other thoughts, something they need, want or would love to have? And you file it in your memory as a gift idea for later on?

I've flunked that. Perhaps I'm not alone. Sunday I was reading posts in my archives and unearthed something I'd forgotten.

    to view entire post, please visit my other site

AGING PARENTS: PRELUDE TO HALLOWEEN

.............My elderly friend loved them and remembered they would last, no doubt until Halloween. Her caregiver kept telling me how much he loved helping and spent a while taking pictures with his cell phone. Bottom line: It's always rewarding to do something that makes an older person happy. This was a win, win, win-- for my elderly friend, her caregiver, and me.

To view entire post, please visit my other site.

PERFECT OCTOBER GIFT FOR AGING PARENTS: AN EASY CARE PLANT

October. Days shorten. Get colder. Leaves fall. We spend more time indoors, less time with nature.

Isn’t it a perfect time to give an easy-to-care-for plant to an older person? Even more perfect if doing so helps raise the spirits of those we care about–those living alone, in assisted living or care facilities, even those with no “green thumb.”

Here’s a short list of plants that can take neglect and still perform. Indeed they ask nothing more than regular watering and filtered sun or low light. To begin--flowering house plants.

to view entire post, please visit my other site

VELCRO-part 2: ENHANCING SHOES FOR AGING PARENTS

Not all shoe styles with Velcro are suitable for old people. Yet some styles fulfill a need. Think: one foot wider than the other; arthritic or old fingers that make tying laces and manipulating buckles difficult.

As people age, feet can widen and/or develop bunions, hammer toes or other problems that cause one foot to fit better in another size--or width--shoe. This is where Velcro comes to the rescue.

To view entire post, please go to my other site

VELCRO-- FOR AGING FASHIONISTAS AND THOSE WITH OLD FINGERS

Sr. Advisor R, during the week between her 100th birthday and her party the next weekend, couldn't help giving me more advice when she proclaimed: "VELCRO" in much the same way as I remember "PLASTICS" in the 1960's classic movie, "The Graduate."

I didn't realize the implications Velcro has for looking good and feeling better, but R made me aware.

To view entire post, please visit my other site

HOSPITALIZATION TIPS THAT LEAD TO BETTER OUTCOMES: FOR AGING PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, OUR CHILDREN, AND US

We learn from people's--and our--mistakes.  It's especially important to be up on the learning curve, and avoid mistakes, if we're in a hospital. A sobering chain of events calls attention to:

1. a slogan
2. advice, gained from Dr.Susan Love's (surgeon and prominent breast cancer prevention advocate) hospital experience, about the importance of family.
3. information from Jon La Pook, MD (NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia U. Medical Center and Chief Medical Correspondent for CBS News) about how to get optimal hospital care.

To view entire post please visit my other site

SENIOR GAMES: FUN AND STIMULATION FOR OLDER PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS

On July 8th I wrote about a new game, Road Tour, that researchers find restores cognitive processing speed and improves field of vision. Peripheral vision evidently shrinks as people age and affects safe driving. Here are details, plus a video, from the UK's Daily Mail on-line: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2317955/New-game-make-brain-years-younger-hours-effects-lasting-year.

Three months later (9/4/13) several publications inform us that the scientific magazine, Nature, is publishing findings that cognitive scientists say: "are a significant development in understanding how to strengthen old brains." (NY Times 9/4/13) plus a snippet: "Cognitive scientists have found that a simple game that forced players to juggle two different tasks, helped players improve the short-term memory and long-term focus of older adults. Researchers said those as old as  80 began to show neurological patterns of people in their 20s." (NY Times 9/9/13.)

To view entire post please visit my other site.

Aging and Teeth

 Dad valued his teeth; took good care of them. You can imagine my surprise decades later when Dad's tooth broke while he was sitting in his favorite chair watching TV. No theatrics--it just broke. He was in his 90's, wasn't eating anything at the time. The tooth just--unexpectedly--"broke off."


This event replayed itself recently. It happened to another old person. She also took good care of her teeth, was a conscientious dentist-goer and had all her own teeth in her 90's.....


Please visit my other site to view entire post.

Aging Parents: Feeling Alone in a Crowded Room--plus 2 Addition Reasons They May Not Want to Go Out Any More

 It may all boil down to pride; staying home is safe.

No one likes to feel diminished, whether it's unintentional or not. Yet going someplace where interaction with others is the norm can pose a threat to older people's pride and self-esteem when they have certain aging issues. I think it's safe to say many--if not all-- older people begin to recognize what octogenarian Julia calls "a lessening of oneself," adding "it's not pleasant."

When others no longer pay attention to them and/or or older people don't want others to discover their "lessening," thoughts of being with others away from home can be emotionally troubling. Three issues (you may think of more) that can cause this:

To view entire post, please visit my other site

Older Traveler, Limited Mobility, Abroad Aboard a Barge at 79--What We Learn

A gray-haired woman, bent over her walker, was moving somewhat awkwardly towards our group and the private bus that was taking us to the Gare de Lyon in Paris. We would then board the TJV for a barge trip in Burgundy.  Although 99-year-old, Sr. Advisor R has said "DON'T ASSUME" countless times, I did assume this woman wasn't traveling on our barge. WRONG!

Initially I didn't know her age, nor that she was accompanied by a sister--11 years younger. While I do know that affect influences our first impression of people and while I've been trained, as a counselor, to be objective and nonjudgmental, barge travel isn't luxury liner travel. It involves a degree of mobility--at minimum navigating steps to get to the bedrooms and bathrooms below deck, and often walking ladder-like steps with railings and a gangplank to get from the barge to often  unmanicured terrain--all this before reaching the point of interest.

In  six days I watched a 79-year-old......

To view entire post, please go to my other site.

Difficult Discussion Strategies--2 (using memory loss as an example)

Ninety-two-year-old Edie, an actual person in my unpublished book advised, “Don’t dramatize small failures,” after explaining:  “People have weaknesses, but they also have strengths so don’t zero in on the weakness—like forgetfulness—it’s only one piece.  When it happens in younger people, they say they’re only ‘senior moments.’  They don’t make a big deal about it."

A senior moment?  A potential time bomb?  Initially we may wonder how to distinguish between the two? Then we wonder how to bring up the subject.

To view the rest of this post, please go to my other site.

Aging Parents: Successful Strategies for Difficult Discussions

                                Difficult Discussions: 9 Tips for Success

Difficult discussions were a normal part of  my counseling work: teacher-student dialogs to settle misunderstandings, parent-teacher conversations to clarify accusations or actions, constructive conversations with teenagers who made bad choices, parents who were angry at the school, their kids--you name it.

Early on I learned through experience (and I guess some techniques I learned at TC) how to prepare for uncomfortable discussions, achieve my goals, and maintain a good relationship. I also learned from a favorite professor, that when dealing with family, you'll probably forget what you learned and act on your instincts. No! Don't stop here.


To view entire post please go to my other site

Aging Parents: Will This Video Game Help Aging Parents Drive Safer Longer?

We're reading more about research studies leading to "games" involving "Brain Training." We see and hear the advertisements for ways to improve memory, alertness etc.....
One of the latest games to come out of the research is a video game, Road Tour. I can't recommend--or not recommend--it; but it's an interesting addition to games for older people. Its focus is worth knowing about. It involves vision, specifically expanding one's field of vision, which evidently tends to shrink as we age. The positive outcome of this game is that it could keep older people driving longer.

Please go to my other site to read entire post.

Aging Parents and Travel: Advice from a 99-year-old Who Plans One More Trip

TRAVEL: Any vacation that requires little more than a short car ride to a familiar place involves more organization, thought and energy than it did pre-911 in the US. Understandably this can be daunting to old and older travelers when airport navigation and unfamiliar territory are involved, not to mention stress for anyone accompanying an older individual.

Sr. Advisor R, who--at age 98-- flew alone cross-country to visit us last year, just said she had one more trip in her (she will be 100 in September); so I asked if she'd share her thoughts about travel and how she does it.

To begin we need to keep in mind:

1. "Energy level changes. My renewed energy doesn't renew as it used to...maybe because I don't sleep as well. You have to think about everything--it isn't that one doesn't want to travel but you're not as confident when you're old. That's what age is. For old people it's not the world we knew....we don't know what to depend on."

Please go to my other site to view entire post.

Can Well-Meaning Children HInder Older Parents' Aging Well?

With 6 Important Questions to Ask Ourselves at End of This Post

                                       It Takes A Village
   (The following, taken from my manuscript, is copyrighted, nonfiction except for the names, and may not be reproduced without permission)

A social worker who worked with older adults in New York, reminds us “It takes a village to raise a child,” then points out that at the other end of the life cycle “It takes a village to keep the grandparent in the village.”  Meet Bob.  For him the village provided both care management and relationships.

Bob had no family to watch out for him, yet he continued to live in the small suburban New York studio apartment he and his wife, Ruth, had shared until the day of his death at age 84.

He was 72 and retired on a small pension when Ruth died.  He had the beginnings of macular degeneration, was an unrepentant smoker, and had only a few friends.  But they supported him in his time of need by inviting him to dinner, giving him the key to their home so he could play their piano, and having him help them by walking their dogs when they were at work.  In all, five unrelated people, decades younger than Bob, looked out for him.

In the twelve years following Ruth’s death, Bob’s macular degeneration worsened; at 80 he quit driving.  One dog owner wrote his checks, which he signed, so his bills got paid.  Another friend took him marketing until walking became a problem, whereupon she did his grocery shopping.  Two years before his death he could walk only a short distance before wheezing, coughing, and labored breathing made walking difficult. Going to the doctor became difficult. At a certain point he refused to go for anything other than a flu shot.

Responding to a suggestion of assisted living, Bob let it be known that he had no intention of going into one of “those” places, where he’d have half the space and wouldn’t be allowed to smoke.  He didn’t need good vision to navigate his small apartment—or to light his cigarette for that matter.  His home was his anchor, his safe haven.

When his unopened mail overflowed the table, and food began to mold in the refrigerator, and the apartment became a mess, another of Bob’s younger friends called the town’s social services for the aged.  Bob was interviewed and charmed the social worker with his fine mind and love of music and poetry.

The result: Disaster Masters came to clean up—and out—Bob’s apartment, with Bob sitting there directing what stayed and what went.  Meals on Wheels began bringing food. A home-aide came for an hour, three mornings a week at 8am, to do laundry and straighten up before going to her other jobs.  The social worker arranged for three volunteers to come weekly for socializing. One, a woman, loved poetry and read poems to Bob every Thursday.

With the necessities taken care of and additional daily monitoring by two neighbors on his floor, Bob was able to remain in his apartment until the morning he died peacefully in his bed at age 84.

Bob had no family members to care for him.  He liked living alone.  Contrast his experience with that of Ellie’s grandmother, in Eastern Canada, who was surrounded by well-meaning family members.

A Flower Pulled up by the Roots

     “My grandmother was a farmer in the early days. Later she and my grandfather lived in a home with a big piece of property where Grandma raised flowers and vegetables.  She had such pride in her garden and was in it every day she could be.  When Grandfather died, her children wanted her to move to a smaller place and not have the burden of a large home and grounds and they talked to her about it—again and again and again.

     "In time, Grandma said she would move.  I felt this was the wrong thing for her to do, since the garden meant so much to her, and with 28 relatives, I was going to organize it so she’d have someone visiting each day, could keep her independence, and could be monitored.

     "Finally, one day she said: ‘Put the house up for sale.’  She then moved in with my mother—and died a year later.”

According to the wise octogenarian (quoted previously in the manuscript), we also need to realize that “As you age, you lose the energy to fight... and give in.”  This may be the reason Ellie's’s widowed grandmother finally agreed to move in with one of her children.

While the “village” enabled Bob to live out life on his terms without family involvement, the loving adult children and grandchildren who surrounded Ellie’s grandmother exerted influence that produced a different outcome.

With usually only one chance to do it right, asking ourselves the following questions can serve as guidelines for better decision-making:

• When making decisions or promises, what is the priority: our needs or our parents’ needs?

• Are our decisions aimed at maintaining parents’ independence until it’s no longer safe for them to remain as they are?

• Are we mindful of not prematurely undermining any of the essential ingredients for aging well--self-esteem, independence, socialization, having fun (activities)?

• Do we have all the information we need to make—or help our parents to make—the best informed decisions?

• Is it possible that old emotions from our growing-up days creep into and influence our decision-making?

• If unresolved relationship issues remain, does it make sense to seek the counsel of others when making important decisions?
 

 The above is copyrighted and may not be reproduced without the author's permission.

                                    *         *        *

While most of us are no doubt excellent caregivers or reliable mainstays for our aging parents, there can be siblings as well as other family members who think they know what's best. It's not only frustrating, but can lead to outcomes that are worse for parents than if they had no children. Since we usually have only one chance to do it right, the guidelines for decision-making will hopefully come in handy as we invest ourselves in helping parents age well.

Thinning Hair: More Solutions to Hide Scalp–for Aging Parents (and Us)

                   Looking good=feeling better... and has to help parents age well

Realizing there's no proven and approved, relatively simple way to regrow hair, the search goes on. If FDA-approved Latisse (it thickens eyelashes), can be made to do the same for the hair on our head, there will be a predictable stampede to the drug stores. As of now, however, we continue to wait and search for a miracle product.

As Help! Aging Parents continues its mission to help aging parents (and us) feel good about our hair: today's topic: topical products: Rogaine, MoniMay, and Toppik.



To view entire post please go to my other site.