Tuesday's post delayed until Wednesday due to aging parent's fall

Aging Parents: Fall Prevention-- Alert Pendant/Bracelet

Why isn't this relatively inexpensive, old technology as important to older people indoors, as an umbrella is to them outdoors when it rains?

It needn't be worn continuously--as explained in my October 10th post, but can be left near the door so that when a living-alone senior enters his or her homeit's right there; and when the senior goes out, it's left right there.

Since the statistics--that people over 65 are at greater risk of falling and the risk increases with age--are widely known….

1. Is it that older people who are fit don't think they risk of falling in their homes?
2. Do they assume if they've taken or take tai chi and/or other fall prevention classes they are exempt?
3. Do they fear paramedics will break down the door to rescue them, thus causing damage to their home?
4. Is it the expense?

There are undoubtedly countless reasons older people reject a piece of "alert" jewelry.

To set the record straight:

1. Most people fall in their homes.  Denial may be at work.
2. Fall prevention classes have clearly been shown to reduce the risk; but that doesn't mean falls don't happen.
3. The alert monitoring companies give instructions for lock boxes or other ways to make keys available so paramedics can unlock, not break down, the door.
4. There is an expense, but weigh the expense vs. parental emotional as well as physical pain, suffering, and adult children's time, energy, and stress.

Fear of falling is one of older people's most prevalent fears.  Falling and breaking a hip spells trouble: a long recovery and initially--if not forever--greatly diminished independence. (No need to spell out how this impacts caring adult children's lives.)

Falling alone in one's home means needing to painfully, slowly crawl to the telephone--usually high up off the floor and thus a challenge to pull down even when one finally reaches the phone's location.

If a hip is not initially broken, but has suffered only a hairline crack, what are the odds the hip will suffer a complete break due to crawling?

We try to help our parents age well. Wearing an "alert" pendant or bracelet can clearly help maintain quality of life.  It's an invaluable gift and hopefully a thoughtful discussion will convince parents of its value.  (I'll try to compile a list of well-thought-of companies, whose alert pendants older people like, for a post next week.)

Also check out my new site" http://helpparentsagewell.com. Same post plus informative tabs and pull-down menu.

Downsizing Aging Parents' Homes--2

Downsizing?  Moving to assisted living or a nursing home?How to best accomplished this as we try to help parents age well.

As we would expect, independent-living parents who decide by themselvesto make a move, leads to the best outcome. They maintain control.  They decide when and where and have full responsibility.  This doesn't mean adult children play no part.  They can can "weigh in" when asked, but don't run the show.  Suggestions may be particularly helpful to--and welcomed by--aging parents who move to be nearer their children and grandchildren.

"Partnering" is a popular concept.  While partnering with older parents to make this kind of decision sounds fine, it's tricky.  If children badger parents enough, chances are older parents lose the will to argue and give in to something they really don't want.  Result: if parents are unhappy, children end up with additional problems and wonder why parents agreed to the move in the first place.

This is undoubtedly why some unhappy, independent aging parents who may need a bit of help, have checked themselves out of assisted living, returned to living independently and figured out how to get the help they need.

Keeping independent-type parents' homes unsold/unrented until parents are comfortably and happily settled, prevents their being "trapped" in a possibly unhappy living situation.  It's a good solution, when affordable. Check out my post about Rodney's sobering--but true--story.

Yet some older people thrive in assisted living. They may have friends there. They may have felt isolated living alone and enjoy the socialization; or in the case of a friend's mother (whose husband dominated when alive), she loved the "assisted part"--prepared meals, amenities, the activities-- she was like a bird let out of a cage.

The biggest challenge: older parents who resist moving, but need to move because their needs can not be met otherwise. Given the situation, their doctor may be in the best position to explain to why moving is necessary.  Getting help from a geriatric social worker, who has helped families deal with this problem countless times, is another good option. If there's a threat to life and limb, sometimes there's no choice: we do what's necessary in a caring way that won't leave us with unnecessary guilt.

When we do our best to help aging parents, don't we ultimately help ourselves?  As we deal with these issues, two thoughts are worth keeping in mind:

1.  IS IT BETTER FOR OUR PARENTS OR BETTER FOR US?
and
2.  IS IT BETTER FOR OUR PARENTS TO DO "X" AND LIVE LONGER, UNHAPPILY OR
DO "Y" AND LIVE POSSIBLY LESS LONG, BUT HAPPIER?

Aging Parents; Fall; Broken Hip; Care Center

Independence vs. Broken Hip

We try to help parents age well and we're aware of the statistics. After 65 the chances of a fall increase; ditto the damage which  increases as people's bones become more  brittle. Down the line we realize that many people age, and suddenly look more fragile.

So I write yesterday's planned post today, from a rehab center where my 97-year-old mother-in-law and a senior advisor, R, is recovering after falling 10 days ago in her home and having surgery to put a pin in her hip.

R., (on my new site click on the "senior advisor" tab) like many older people fortunate to have (as she calls it) "a good brain," values her independence above all. She took precautions to prevent falling in her home and has never hesitated to gracefully ask for help (your arm) when she feels unsteady.  She never dreamed she would fall in her home and thus, rejected the idea of a pendant that would alert someone she needed help.

The result: she fell in her living room, while walking to the kitchen, having noticed a decorative object on a desk had been moved by her every-other-week cleaning person.  She reached over to move it, lost her balance, and grabbed a nearby chair.  But it wasn't heavy enough to hold her upright. Both fell on the carpet. The next three hours were spent crawling on the carpet to her bedroom and a telephone; she called a nephew; he called 911, then came to her home.

I share R's experience to help aging parents and other older people who live alone and resist bracelets or necklaces with those pendants. While they won't prevent falls, they do prevent skinned knees with carpet burns, and pain and possible further damage from crawling to a telephone.   And they don't need to be worn all the time.

Indeed, a woman in her mid-80's who shares an apartment with her son in the northeast, only wears the bracelet when she enters her Florida apartment--where she live alone in the winter.  She says she leaves the bracelet near the door and puts it on the minute she enters that apartment.

While we do our best to help our aging parents, the odds can catch up with even the most smart, independent and remarkable seniors....evident from the older people with broken hips in this rehab center.  We can only try to reduce the damage. Perhaps R's experience can provide an opening for discussion with older parents who live alone without one of those pendants.

Also go to my new site:http://helpparentsagewell.com.  Same blog, more "bells and whistles."

Aging Parents--Post Delayed

Sorry--Still away and unable to write a substantive post.  It's especially frustrating because senior advisor, R, less than a week ago fell, broke her hip, had surgery and is now in a care facility for two weeks of rehab, as I understand it.

You know from reading about her (see sidebar), that she's my mother-in-law and is remarkable.  Although presently on the West Coast, I'm flying out to help her tomorrow and will relate her experience.

It's instructive, which is the purpose of this blog.  There's also a definite tie-in to last week's posts that I want to share as soon as I'm certain I have correct details and dependable internet access.

Until Saturday, when I should have internet access----

Aging at Home or Elsewhere: Helping Help Aging Make the Right Move

I'm away once again and may not have internet access for Saturday's post.  In any event, "fall fashion" will probably be postponed again because the camera isn't behaving.
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I'm momentarily using my niece's computer. She's eleven.  Her parents are not old and her grandparents are no longer alive.  She doesn't know any aging parents; indeed I'm no doubt the oldest person she has regular contact with.

While I would like to have had time to write my post, Lilli wanted to start her own blog. Took her about 5 minutes.  That's it for my time to write--except:

Hi everyone this is Susan's niece, Lilli! You can check out my brand new blog, here! http://lillibillypeace.wordpress.com/ Your grandchildren/children might enjoy my site, and you might too!
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(I probably won't have my own computer access until Oct. 9th--but who knows?? Check on Tuesday.)

Aging at Home or Elsewhere: Helping Aging Parents Make the Right Move

"Picture the scene: parents aren't eating properly, they have deteriorated medically, the bills aren't paid, the mail has piled up, the laundry isn't done, clutter is everywhere."

These are "typical crises" that prompt adult children to "run to put them (their parents) in assisted living prematurely," says J. Donna Sullivan, LCSW, and Director of Older Adult Services for the Scarsdale and Edgemont Family Counseling  Service.  "It's premature," she says, "because their parents could continue to live fairly independently for another 5-6 years if they took advantage of services that are available in almost all communities."

"What I've seen most is the deterioration of older people's health because they're physically not able to get to doctors or dentists or get their hearing aid batteries...There are services to assist them with meals, transportation, with housekeeping--but they're not getting them.  The bills aren't paid and the mail piles up because they can't see well and need new glasses and ultimately it gets to crisis mode.  These older people need care management, not assisted living."

It's common knowledge that most people who can remain in their own homes as they age do better.  Why?

• Home is an anchor offering comfort and the familiar.
• Feelings of independence and self-worth remain in tact.
• The familiar neighborhood often still provides connections with others.
• The well-known physical structure of the home instills the confidence to move about freely within its walls, contributing to mobility and physical well-being unless stairs are an issue.

This probably means it's in most aging parents' best interest when we can help them remain in their homes as long as possible (and it will no doubt make us happier too).  Thus, we may need to find out more about--then use--some of the new technology featured in the last two posts, as well as older technology like the pendant one pushes in an emergency.

If this doesn't seem doable, your parent's doctor should know the kind of living situation most suitable for your parents; or a social worker or a geriatric care manager can assess your aging parent's situation and make recommendations.

Knowing how important "home" is, raises 3 important questions:

1. "Is it better to respect parents' wishes about where they live--even if it makes it  more  difficult for us?
2. "How can we make it work?"
3. "If we can't make it work, how do we--and our parents--go about finding a suitable living situation elsewhere?

"Elsewhere" will be addressed in this coming Saturday's post.