Aging Parents: Gifts--Lighted Pocket Magnifying Glass Revisited--+1

I stopped by the Container Store to purchase lighted pocket magnifying glasses as Mother's Day gifts for older friends. (See last post.) Later that day, looking at my schedule for the following week, I was reminded that D's birthday was Wednesday.....A chance to check out reactions to this gift idea that I think can add quality to life--and thus our efforts to help parents and older friends age well.

We went to lunch and D opened the small package before the menus came. I knew she had vision problems; what I didn't know was that it was her 88th birthday. She phoned me later to say "thank you" and followed the phone call with a written note the next day. It provides some insights and says in part:

"Good friends become more and more important as years go on--I didn't think I needed anything--but you found the perfect present."

D used the magnifier to read the main menu and dessert menu. A waiter came to take dessert orders and I asked if he needed a Mother's Day gift idea for a mother or grandmother. He told us his mother was in her 80's, had vision issues, he knew that a Container Store was located near his home, and he was going there after work. Another waiter joined the conversation. Same reaction.

A few days later another Mother's Day gift suggestion came from a friend: A traditional picture frame with a picture of the entire family/families--all the children (and spouses if any) and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It's nice to have the whole family inside one frame, it seems. This caused me to ask about the new frames enabled by technology. One former stock broker in her mid-late 60's said her children gave her one that "has never been out of the box." A capable computer-user, she just didn't want to be bothered downloading.

Which brings up the point that at a certain age, many people just don't want to be bothered with gifts involving unfamiliar technology.....even when they've used a computer at work for the better part of their life. So it would make sense to check it out with parents beforehand. If they're comfortable, go for It. If not, hopefully ideas from the last three posts are helpful.

As we try to help parents age well, check out the lighted pocket magnifying glass and-- if there's still time get every family member together-- you could arrange to have a family photo taken to put in a nice traditional frame.

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I'm interested to know which gift ideas you like best. Please comment below or use the gmail address at the right.

Aging Parents: Mother's Day Gifts-3

Gifts That Mothers (aging or not) And Grandmothers) Should Love

Aging parents (in spite of the fact that they don't want to accumulate more things) love gifts, as mentioned in the last post; and appreciate things that can--in most cases--be "used up."

Mothers who still drive or have convenient access to transportation, can more easily purchase what they need, if money isn't an issue; and younger mothers may not be so concerned with gifts that can be "used up." For example, one younger mother (in her 60's) likes having all her children chip in for one gift certificate. Then she goes shopping and buys "something special" that she normally wouldn't buy for herself.

We might think older aging parents for whom money and transportation aren't issues should feel the same. But for many aging mothers who live alone, insecurity--necessary or unnecessary--about spending money becomes an issue at a certain point.

The Mother's Day gift ideas below can be enriching, attractive and/or useful contributions in our effort to help parents age well. A few may be better afforded if siblings chip in.

---Adding pleasure to a mother's life.

Some children have taken over--as a gift--the bill-paying for something their mother wouldn't want to afford, but they know would add pleasure. Example: paying for something like Direct TV or HBO--you get the idea.

Grooming and beauty services (hair, manicure, pedicure, facial, massage) help a mother to feel special. Make arrangements to be billed--or give a gift certificate. (Since old skin can be very delicate, be certain to check that the preceding are OK for an older mother's situation.)

When thinking about gifting flowers or plants for mothers with a terrace, patio, or small yard, contact a landscape nursery to check the cost of having flowers planted (perhaps in a large container or several smaller containers) if you are a far-away-living child or can't plant them yourself. Otherwise, select the healthiest plants you can find at the grocery store (most sell plants and flowers) or nursery. Check if they go indoors or outdoors.

Flowering plants are living, they change, and brighten up an outdoor space or an indoor space near a sunny window. (Sun is necessary for most plants to flower.) Geraniums can be a good option: easy care, many colors, indoors or outdoors.

---Things: usable/needed gifts
Older people often feel cold (even when we feel warm); stories about children of aging parents sneaking to turn down the thermostat when they're in their parents' home are common. A good-looking sweater or jacket (that may or may not pull things together and make an outfit) may be a good idea, as is an attractive shawl or an easy-to-get-into comfy robe. (These can be light weight for what we consider the warm months, and definitely a heavier weight for colder months.)

A new nightgown, pajamas, or slippers may be a needed and welcome gift. One adviser (who's careful about falls and balance) says that Dear Foams makes a very soft, easy to put on, slipper that feels "wonderful" and isn't heavy.

Knowing and gifting a favorite lipstick/cream/lotion is always appreciated, especially when it saves a non-driving mother from having to go out and buy them. (Note: I'm told perfume isn't as popular with older people today because of allergies--check it out.)

An adviser reminds me that attractive postage stamps (a "LOVE" one was recently issued with beautiful flowers) are appreciated by mothers who lack transportation to a post office... so practical for older people who still write notes and pay bills by mail.

We know aging produces normal vision changes in many. The usefulness of night-lights is highlighted in the Falling and Fall Prevention posts. Also check the mini-maglite, small flashlights that give great light in dark places.

And the small size lighted pocket magnifying-glass gets rave reviews. Everyone seems to love it. It takes up little space, is light weight, inexpensive, and truly helps parents age well by providing enlarged, lit-up print--very helpful for older eyes. At $9.99 it makes a great, useful Mother's Day gift for your mother--and any older woman you wish to remember.

Lastly, the tried and true, flowers and candy... or what about a box of pretty cookies from the bakery?

When our goal is to help our parents age well, don't special occasions like Mother's Day give us a unique opportunity to contribute something pleasurable and useful to their lives!

Aging Parents: Thinking Ahead About Mother's Day-2

Gifts That Mothers Will Welcome and Enjoy

"For the most part, we really don't need more things," said most of the older mothers I've spoken with.Their space is limited in many cases, so unless gifts can be eaten or used up, or unless there is something specific that they need, they really don't want "things." OK, what would they like?

---Being with family. Being with all of her offspring is "the best Mother's Day gift a mother could have," says 88-year-old R-2, one of my advisers. This thought is echoed by so many. R-2 further explains: "What I'd like most, if it can be worked out, is to have a big dinner at my apartment with my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren--all enjoying each other. My children are good cooks and they bring the food. We've done it before--but not all the time. But if they plan it early, it could work out. If it should work out, it would be a beautiful day."

A variation on this theme is expressed by another aging mother. "What I'd really love doesn't need to be on Mother's Day, because my children--you know they're all in their 40's, working, and all spread out (geographically)--they'd have to plan to be together. But I'd love it if they could plan a get-together--all of them with their children (my grandchildren)--somewhere, some time in the summer when the kids aren't in school...and I want everyone to get along, which means the kids behave well.... They could describe the plans on my Mother's Day card, letting me know that's my gift. It would be something I could look forward to."

---A child's time, is another treasured gift. There is more than one way to gift time:
First, as "alone time." Mothers say they like having alone time with their child (or each child) apart from spouses. This has nothing to do with spouses in most cases; it's simply precious alone time between mother and child.

Second, as dedicated time (see 3/23/10 post) carved out once every week or two--to help with errands, small fix-it jobs, possibly cleaning (for example the inside of her car) or taking down/putting up storm windows. The gift could be described in the Mother's Day card, in the form of an IOU. For example, IOU 2 hours every other Thursday night to help with errands or small fix-it jobs. (An specially smart offer if it keeps aging parents off ladders.)

"Pledge me hours," is the Mother's Day gift Viola Vaughn wants. An individual whose personal gifts seem to come from giving to others--Dr. Vaughn, Founder and Executive Director of the Women's Health Education and Prevention Strategies Alliance and 10,000 girls in Kaolack, Senegal, West Africa, was honored today as a Distinguished Alumni by Teachers College, Columbia University. (She founded WHEPSA in 2001 to develop new strategies for offering health and educational service to girls in rural Senegal.) An American grandmother, who emigrated to Senegal in 2000, she values the volunteer hours pledged and given to her projects. For example her niece, a teacher in the US, is taking next year off to honor her aunt's wishes and teach in Senegal. The gift of time, can be given in a variety of ways--always welcome.

---Gifts that give mothers something to look forward to: for example tickets to something in the future....entertainment, a trip. While tickets usually cost money, spring flower shows are usually free of charge in many towns and cities and offer an inexpensive option for mothers who like flowers. Finally as mentioned above, planned-ahead family get-togethers are something to look forward to as well as being at the top of many mother's Mother's Day wish lists.

---Something a parent has asked for--Sometimes an aging parent asks for something, only to have it forgotten or put off. For example, a mother who recovered from a broken hip noted that for several years she had asked her son-in-law to put a railing up on the porch of the home he and her daughter live in. And she has asked again this year. This intelligent, independent mother is in her late 80's and doesn't want to take chances with falling---again. "He could let me know that he's putting up the railing as my Mother's Day gift with just a little note on my Mother's Day card," she said. "In fact, if they don't put up the railing, I don't think I'm going there for Mother's Day." I guess there's a moral here--if an older parents asks for something.............

As we try to help parents age well, the variety of gifts that parents welcome takes many forms.


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This coming Tuesday's post will conclude with gifts that are better classified as "things." They are things that can help parents age well. Most take up very little space.