Aging Parents: Making Room--With Mom and Dad Living Beside You

 

Make Room For the In-Laws.
"...Why space for aging parents is a hot real-estate amenity now."

"Put away the snarky in-law jokes," we read. "For both domestic and foreign buyers, the hottest amenity in real estate these days is an in-law unit, an apartment carved out of an existing home or a stand-alone dwelling built on the homeowners' property. While adult children get the peace of mind of having mom and dad nearby, real-estate agents say the in-law accommodations are adding value to their homes." WSJ 11/7/14

To view entire post please go to my other site.

Aging Parents: What's Elderhood

We know childhood and adulthood; but do we know "elderhood?"

The goal of Help! Aging Parents is to enable relatively healthy, aging parents--who live independently--to stay that way as long as possible and age well. But I've wondered when "as long as possible" ends. Clearly it doesn't end the moment aging parents are incapacitated by health issues....

I'd never heard of "elderhood," a term coined by geriatrician Dr. Bill Thomas (MD from Harvard Medical School) --until I watched and listened to an almost 26 minutes New Hampshire PBS video interview with him.

"Elderhood" follows adulthood and involves further growth that so many fail to recognize. Understanding the concept can help us help our parents age well. That's why I'm including the video link, which I urge you to watch and listen to.

Dr. Thomas's philosophy challenges the traditional concept of institutional care centers and home care. His ideas encompass relationship changes (mother-daughter, husband-wife etc.) and liberating ourselves by getting past our idea of being the indispensable caregiver; acknowledging the value of caregiving as a partnership; opening our eyes to the untapped richness of elderhood.

To view entire post please visit my other site: 

http://helpparentsagewell.com/2012/01/08/aging-parents-whats-elderhood/

Is a Big City Apartment the Place to Age Well?

"Fast-Paced New York, Promising Safety and Comfort to Elderly"--NY Times-July 19, 2010
Where are the best living options for seniors?
and

What and are the best living options for seniors?

Different strokes for different folks, right? In our efforts to help parents age well, who knows-- based on things one can control--what will be best to help aging parents live out their lives.

A city

A small town
A place in a sunny climate

One's home/apartment (aging in place)

Living with children or relatives

A retirement /adult community

An independent living situation

Assisted living

Today I learned that a healthy, single woman in her 80's, left suburban N.Y. to move to a retirement community, in a small town with a highly regarded college. Well-educated, intelligent and with no family ties, she dedicated herself to searching out an affordable, appropriate option with the stimulation a college community offers; and found it 1,000 miles away.

Similarly Dad often told me that when he and mother "got old" he wanted to live in a college community--a small town with the energy and stimulation that youth (and college students) provide. He didn't want to be where everyone was old and getting old. No senior living for him. Mother, typical of that generation, followed Dad's lead.

He and Mother never went to that idealized small town. Yet he "aged in place" with help after Mother's death, when "aging in place" was a relatively new concept. Dad happily and proudly lived and died in the original home he and mother had built some 60 years ago, in a neighborhood bustling with young families. He knew everyone and they knew him.


R. (see sidebar) at 96 remains in her home of 60+ years,. She continues to age in place with a cleaning person for half a day, every other week. Clearly the oldest person on her street, many of the young families think of her as a family member. They are supportive. She treasures the friendships and independence.

Kiplinger's Personal Finance article, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME," informs us that the majority of people 60 and older prefer to grow old in their homes and their communities, according to an AARP survey. And a wide range of services is available to help them stay there. While "pricey," we learn the services are cheap compared to the monthly cost of an assisted-living facility.

Living in cities like New York (or other major cities with vibrant downtowns) provide seniors who enjoy city life almost everything. To my way of thinking, living in a New York apartment building is the best old age home. Reasons:

1. Young and old live in the building
2. It's not isolating
3. The superintendent fixes whatever needs fixing
4. Meals/food can be ordered and brought to the doorman. Someone will get it to you if/when necessary
5. Driving is unnecessary. Public transportation (bus, subway, taxi)--while facing cuts in service due to this economy--makes everything accessible
6. Stores, restaurants, entertainment, culture etc. are nearby
7. Very sick? The doorman can call a taxi, help you in it, and send it and you to the hospital of your choice.

True, every building doesn't have a doorman, but you get the idea.

The article following the NY Times headline at the beginning of this post discusses New York's initial efforts and well-thought-out steps to make it "age friendly" for senior citizens. For example, the traffic signals at over 400 intersections have been extended 4 seconds making it easier for older people to get to the other side before the light changes. Portland, Oregon and Cleveland were other cities cited as becoming more "aging-oriented" (my term). I know of an apartment building in Portland for seniors, close to downtown and transportation that has dining facilities. There are undoubtedly others. If you know of others please e-mail my gmail.

Living options for seniors have expanded far beyond old age homes and may be less expensive than assisted living even when using some added services. Taking the time to check things out will clearly help parents age well.

Also check out this blog on my new site--nearing completion with added "bells and whistles"--and it takes comments!