Help Aging Parents: Caregiving--A Caregiver's Story

As parents age, concerns about heavy-duty caregiving are common. The NY Times published a powerful piece in early March. Elizabeth's experience as told to NY Times science/geriatrics-writer/columnist, Paula Span, will resonate with many caregivers, Alzheimer's caregivers or not.

            Living with the parents I'm losing to Alzheimer's:
two excerpts--

     One night recently my dad was so confused, up so many times, and I was exhausted and full of frustration and anger and overwhelming grief. I just went in there and cried in his arms, begging him, “Please, go back to sleep.” He didn’t understand, but he was holding me and crying, too, and saying, “I’m so sorry. I’ll do better. I’ll do better.”

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Aging Parents: Lift Spirits on ST. PATRICK'S DAY

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

 
Oxalis regnellii (Shamrock) Plants at Trader Joe's March 2016

I've always loved this plant and have written about it in previous posts. It's easy care: likes good, indirect light; flowers for long periods, then takes a rest; opens in daylight and closes up at night; likes moist, non-soggy soil and its leaves collapse (but plant doesn't die) to tell you when it's too dry and needs immediate watering. How user-friendly is that?

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Saturday's and Sunday's Posts Postponed and Sr. Advisor D's Death

Last Monday began with a funeral for Sr. Advisor D, who died unexpectedly a few days before in Florida, where she spent winters. Her son had been visiting with her for a few weeks and was due to return to NY the next day. She often said her son helped her age well; indeed they were enjoying a busy schedule in Florida prior to her death. .

Sr. Advisor D was a mentor to me when I took the counseling position at Scarsdale High School decades ago and remained a dear friend. She was "up on the latest"--whatever that was--so interesting and fun to be with. Very bright and well-read (a former honors English teacher), she was an active 90-year-old, who continued to participate in all aspects of life. This included significant contributions to my blog--until the end. 


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https://helpparentsagewell.com/senior-advisors-2/d/

Surviving Hospitalization of an Aging Parent or Spouse--2: 7 Tips for Coming Home

The first thing Deb, the RN-Geriatric Care Manager, said to me during her "courtesy call" at the hospital was something like:

"Get everything in order at home: fresh sheets and towels on bed and in bathroom; wash laundry, your hair; bring in a supply of groceries; do everything you need to do because you won't have time to do it initially." Excellent advice.

The following suggestions came from healthcare workers in the hospital--
or from what worked well for me:

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13 Tips for Surviving Hospitalization of an Aging Parent or Spouse

How many times have people said "You must take care of yourself?" when caring for an elderly loved one who's hospitalized. There's stress. ...too many things to take care of, possibly many people giving advice, definitely emotionally draining.  I'm convinced the following 13  suggestions ease the experience:

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Caring for the Caregiver of a Hospitalized Aging Parent or Spouse After Major Surgery

While I've been working on a post about successfully dealing with a loved one's hospital experience, I was unsure about how to best orchestrate the transition from the hospital to home for my husband--even though I'd spoken to the social worker on the floor (who said I knew everything he was telling me so I should simply call with any additional questions).

That said I wasn't comfortable, wondering: Could I handle the physical requirements of someone who'd been in the cocoon of intensive care levels, then a few days of rehab and still take care of the food preparation, normal house keeping and leaving the house to do necessary errands that first week? I also remembered something I learned, in my two years of teaching French (before I began counseling): not to say to my students "just raise your hand If you don't understand." A very bright student politely asked "How do you know what to ask if you don't know what you don't know?" Decades later, I remember that. Thus, I phoned Deb.

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Aging Parents and Hospitals: "Thank You" May Be Your Best Ally

                 In medical situations where we're dependent on others
                and have no control, "thank you" may be our best ally.

Really sick people, especially aging parents, make us sad, stressed and dependent on smart professionals to address our parents' needs. Reactions to serious family health issues and how we navigate the emotional roller coaster obviously vary. One size never fits all. Yet there's one constant that's a win-win for aging parents, health care professionals and their support people, and us--

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