98-year-old Mother-in-law's Visit cont.

A woman who takes pride in her independence, R is creative about making things work out for herself. But in a strange hotel room, she wasn’t so inclined. The thermostat (room was too cold–we reset it); the TV remote (looked like hers, but the channels had different numbers necessitating reading the accompanying chart, which we explained but she said she was too tired to focus); and the telephone, which had a zillion strange buttons was challenging. None of these would cause us more than a few moments hesitation–but they were a change and as such, presented challenges to her taken-for-granted way of living. While confident and able to adapt to any new problems she encountered in her own home, she lacked the energy and will required to learn something temporary at this stage of life.




To view the rest of this post visit my other site: http://helpparentsagewell.com

Aging Parents Endure Losses We're Probably Clueless About

We know parents lose friends, and spouses, and sometimes a child.  Yet the totality and nature of losses is an eye-opener. We hear from an active, obviously intelligent older person:

Yesterday I traveled to the city to meet a group of art buffs who get together once a year for a tour of the galleries of new art. We hoot at the craziness of some exhibits and press each other to understand what's going on in each installation and interactive piece. This year, however, I could not stand and walk easily. Fatigue overshadowed my pleasure in the art, and I knew that next year I would forgo an event that for twenty years has been one of the highlights of the fall season for me.

On my calendar is the evening wedding of a friend's granddaughter.  In the sixty years of our friendship, S and I have participated in each other's celebrations, and now I will see a grown-up Rachel in a bridal gown--Rachel, the family nonconformist, in the traditional ceremony.  I'll embrace S's friends and family members whom I've seen at previous celebrations, noting how they've aged along with me. Can I travel for two hours to a wedding that will begin about my usual bedtime? Easy, I tell myself, just rearrange your day to include a nap. But at 86 I don't adjust to changes in schedule and try as I will, the nap won't happen. Would it be foolish to go? Yes. Will I go? Probably...but certainly not to a similar event next year.

Continued on my other site: http://helpparentsagewell.com/2012/05/19/aging-parents-endure-losses-we-might-never-realize/

The Practical, Important Foundations for Aging 2

4 Fundamentals form the Foundation--Fundamental #2

#2.  Vision: We know how precious vision is, but not as keenly as when it begins to fail us. We can probably do nothing about some of the normal, common age-related vision changes, other than making certain we and aging parents have adequate light. For example, that little flashlight to read menus in darkly lit restaurants, or an additional light or lamp to distinguish between navy blue and black (specially for men selecting socks); and I'm not sure what needs to be invented to see the color gradations that delineate steps off of curbs or elsewhere. (Restaurants usually go a good job of this with a contrasting color carpet or painted lines.)

That said, vision change can come on so gradually, we neglect doing anything about it, even when we realize we aren't seeing that well.

Continued on my other site: http://helpparentsagewell.com  Please visit!

The Practical, Important Foundations for Aging Well --Part 1

Function #1 of 4--  Try to be a Moving Target

Thursday I went to the Woman's Club to take unneeded items for their thrift shop. Milly (85) had just arrived to lead the choral group practice. She looked great and I remarked accordingly. Her response, "I try to be a moving target--that way nothing bad can catch up with me."

Visit my other site-- http://helpparentsagewell.com to view the rest of this post 

Broken Hip Release from Rehab 1/2011; Flying 2000 Miles Alone to See Us 5/2012

Are Today's Old Old Amazing--or What?

Lessons from them....to Us... If We Pay Attention

Please visit my other site-- http://helpparentsagewell.com for continuation of this post

Help Aging Parents: When a Sibling Often Feels Like an Only Child

Some gentle questioning led to Mary’s explaining that her sisters usually took their dad to his doctor appointments. And they did offer to do things for him when the mood hit them. For example, one sister asked if Mary would like her to take their Dad to a meeting of his men’s club. “I told her it was OK, I’d do it,” Mary said, explaining that she was “so used to doing it, it really didn’t make any difference.”

And that’s where the red flag goes up.......

Please visit my other site: http://helpparentsagewell.com to view entire post

 caregiver siblingX caregiversX less-involved siblingsX reasons to accept helpX reasons to show appreciationX showing appreciation. accepting helpX uninvolved siblings

When Does a Sibling Often Feel Like an Only Child? Answer: When She (it's usually a "she") is the Caregiver for Their Aging Parents

As I've mentioned on several occasions, the head of services for the elderly at a family counseling agency once told me that the child who would be caregiver for her/his aging parents could be identified early on--"the other children weren't so involved." It took me by surprise. Nevertheless, although my husband and I moved far from our families, I always knew I would be there for my parents when the time came.

Does this negate commonly-held beliefs that children take on the caregiver role for other reasons? (guilt, the realization parents did for them and it's payback time, the good feeling that helping others imparts, this sibling needs a life etc. etc.)
*                       *                        *

I returned home Sunday to a front door that would not unlock (from outside or inside), the smell of gas due to a pilot light that went out, and a car that wouldn't start so I was carless, with a large accumulation of mail. I'm very behind in my life......So please ponder the question until tomorrow when I'll apply it to real life as I complete this post.  And go to http://helpparentsagewell, my other site, to view it more fully.